The cross

The most high king ever came and died for me. He not only came and died for me but came to serve! He came as a SERVANT! I don't understand this man! It is the most amazing Love story EVER!

Jesus came and gave his life for me.
As a little girl I would hear about the cross but I never really got it...
He didn't just die for me.

We think someone is heroic if they take a bullet- and don't get me wrong is amazing but think about what Jesus did. He is the king of everything and everyone. He is "THE GUY" and so much more. But he came as a servant, He wanted me to know that he loves me so he did this for me.

He came in humility, he allowed himself to be mocked and beaten. Then he died --- willingly!

No one took it from him- he gave it willingly. He was torn and beaten... he wasn't even recognisable as a person. But he allowed everyone to do this to Him just so that I would know that He loves me. Just so that I could live with Him in eternity. It wasn't even a "spur of the moment" thing He knew that all of this would happen His whole life!!!!! Still he loves me.

but still I put my trust in this world. I put my hope in people who would never do this for me. They would sooner say I was a stranger.

Jesus is my only true love. I have no desire for anyone but Him.

Ramen noodles and Revlation!

I was sitting in the kitchen with Becca on Sunday night. We were eating Ramen noodles and both some what in need of some revelation....

We were both in this state of weariness. We had a busy weekend with another up and coming. It was good though, RIGHT? I mean we were doing stuff for Jesus, "advancing" his kingdom. Trying to be perfect for our daddy. Trying to do things the right way. Doing our best to be perfect so that we might make him smile.

Then with a bite of Ramen noodles came some revelation!

Jesus has never asked us to be perfect! He actually doesn't want us to be. If we were all perfect then what would we need Him for? Jesus loves showing us how kind he is, he LOVES it when he gets to pick me up after I have fallen down.
I remember when I first learned how to ride a bike. My dad would walk behind me holding on to the back of my seat, gently, just enough to hold me up. Then he would let go for only a second without me knowing. Then he would let go again and tell me. Whenever I thought that I was alone I would begin to fall, but he would catch me! Even though I couldn't see Him he was there. He was standing right behind me encouraging me the whole time, and when I did fall it was his pleasure to pick me up dust me off give me a bad-aid and a kiss and tell me "It's Okay! Keep Trying!". I knew that He would still stand beside me even when he wasn't holding the seat. He didn't expect me to jump on and ride 5 miles. He just wanted me to do my best. Even if in doing my best he had to pick me up and dust me off five hundred times!
He was okay with that. He enjoyed watching the smile that spread from ear to ear the first time I rode to the stop sign and then back for the first time by myself! It filled his heart with joy. He knew that I would still mess up but that didn't stop him from enjoying every moment of it!
That white bicycle with colorful hearts all over and a purple seat received many of its scratches and dents that first time my dad took off those pink training wheels but that didn't stop me either. I kept getting back on and with practice and encouragement I got the hang of it.

It may have taken me a little longer than my older sister who would ride circles around me with her much bigger bike, but eventually I caught on.

We may not have it down but that is okay! Jesus doesn't want us to be perfect he wants us to have to depend on him. He wants us know how much we need his mercy, grace, and love! He wants us to one day be able to ride around the block but for now I feel like he is saying that he wants us to delight in this season of him teaching and encouraging us! We will never be perfect, and of coarse we will be frustrated because with the training wheels on we could already ride to the stop sign. But now He is trying to show us a better way, the question is will we allow Him to walk beside us and encourage us or will we insist on doing it ourselves?

I guess that I need to go low.
As I fall down I realize how badly it is that I really do need Him! He is my daddy. He understands me better than anyone and He loves me like I am!

I don't know why I ever ran from him now! He is so good! HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO BE PERFECT! JUST TO BE WILLING TO LET HIM HELP ME UP WHEN I FALL!

Yell that at the top of your lungs! Its liberating!
Sorry that it is so long!

Best bite of Ramen noodles that I have EVER had!

He died for ME!

Jesus Christ the most Holy, the most High, the King of all Kings, the Great I Am died on the cross for me. So that he could call me his own. So that I, a filthy rotten, dirty, ugly, retched, broken, ungrateful, undeserving sinner could dwell with him for all of eternity.


That's all.

Just having some trouble wrapping my head around that.

Finding my way back home.

Not only is the title of this speaking of spiritually but also physically! I am SO sleepy right now and I need to find my way back home and into bed. However instead I will sit here and continue to write on things that I really don't understand..... Not to be blunt or anything. Being lost and away from Home (Jesus) is no fun! But I am finally coming back HOME!!! I just want to know God! I want to know the depths of who he is! Just think about this.... If you ran away from home and continued to RUN as far as you could so that you could get away from what? A loving father whose only desire is to love you and give you every good thing that he can.... and he can give you everything! I have run and run and run from the only good thing that I could ever know! What on earth could I have been thinking!?!

The problem is that I have had a worldly mindset.
I have not had my eyes fixed in eternity like I should. If we fix our eyes on things to come than the things that seem like mountains turn into specks of dust easily brushed into a dust pan and thrown away.

Fix your eyes on things to come. Not meaning next Friday, but eternity!

This is the way that many of us will be able to be martyred in the last days and consider it pure joy! I know that it sounds so crazy but if only we knew God so well that when we are persecuted we could rejoiced in it.
Many of us including myself have not been able to rejoice in our persecution because we can not think beyond next week. Once we are able to set our gaze on things above and not at eye level we will be back home.

Sorry I kinda went off on a rabbit trail there but I tried to bring it back around for you!

<3

I belong here.

Growing up I never felt like I belong. Some might say "oh sad" but it isn't a sad kind of thing. I tried to fit in with the world. I wore the right clothes, I said the right things, I hung out with the right people but it just never seemed to work out. I always felt like I was out of place.

Now I know why.

I don't belong to this world. I tried to give my heart to a perverse world. I expected it to treat it with TLC and the only way I ever got it back was bruised and broken. It happened this way because this world is not my home. I don't belong here. I am a stranger here, I was sent here to be salt to be light!

If you try to put a puzzle piece where it doesn't belong it won't work. You might be able to force it in to the place that you want it to go but it won't match up with the surrounding pieces, the picture will not be complete.

I have been trying to force myself where I do not belong. I have tried for so long to make myself go where I do not belong and now I have found the right spot. I belong in the center of God's will. I belong in the only place that I can safely reside. I can now only dwell in the center of God's will. Where else can I be satisfied but here.
If the center of God's will is for me to be sitting in the prayer room for hours and hours in this season I will do it even if at times it is excruciatingly painful, because I can only reside in the center of the will of God for my life.I will not be satisfied anywhere else.

My God is Great and I do not know Him.

I sit in teachings seven times a week. I learn so much I am taught about how God loves me, about intercession, about meditation and the beatitudes. I sit in the prayer room for hours on hours seeking God's face, sitting at the feet of the creator of the universe and I feel now as though the only thing that I have learned is that I don't know God at all.

I never understood how the four living creatures could encircle the the throne for all of eternity and every time find a different facet of God. Every time see something new, mind blowing and breathtaking. I thought eventually they will run out of things to look at. Although I still do not fully understand I feel like I might be starting to.

I understand what he meant when Job said "Behold, God is great, and we know Him not!" The more that I get to know God the more I realize that I don't know Him at all! He is so good, he is majestic, and sovereign; but I still don't KNOW His greatness and majesty.

If only I could know Him I would be satisfied. If I could be like Him!
I just want to know God. I do so long to know His glory, to know the sweet embrace of the Father. To stand before the throne and know the King into whose eyes I dare gaze. If only I knew Him! I do understand, however; that if I do SO long to know this man that I must first rend my heart. A slow and painful process but mandatory. I have to be willing to give up my ideas about who God is and allow Him to reveal himself to me. The truth about who He is and not the man that I have grown up to believe that He is.

I think that I have said enough for now though.

If only we knew.

If only we knew how close it really is! If only I knew!

Last night (Monday 8.24.08) my family and I were sitting around in the living room playing games having a family night when Rebeca Foster knocked on the door. She came inside and we all began to talk and talk and talk. We began talking about the end-times; how close they really are, how unprepared we are, and how God is calling us all to a place of purity and intimacy now so that we will not be offended and deceived in the tribulation. God is calling the church into new places and we have to get over our ideas of who we think God is and should be and begin to cry out! We have to KNOW God! We have to know His heart because if we don't get to know Him now we will be deceived in the last days!Its time we get to know God's heart!

Sorry, I got a little preachy but this what is going on. This is right now! It is no longer just words in a book that sits on a bed stand. We have to live it! We have to walk it out!

This is one thing that God is really burning in me right now.
We really do have to be aware in this season. God is about to release things on the earth that have never been seen. But "to whom much is given, much is required"(Luke 12:48).

Six Months!

I thought as it is my first "entry" I would just explain some of what God is doing in me and the place that He has me. As many people know I have already completed the 2008 summer internship at the House of Prayer Cartersville however, I did not feel release from this season. So as a result I am spending another three months interning, in all I am doing six months.

As I have just began the second half God is doing so much!
It is hard to look at but He has shown me the filthiness of my own heart and released the revelation that when he looks on me He sees only a clean heart. He does not see the dirt and the junk but instead sees the YES! He looks on the desire in me for Him and says that is enough.

I feel as though this season is going to be one where God is going to come along side of me and come to me in a place of intimacy